Thursday, April 26, 2012

Drew Kipe Big Board

Just in case the mock draft wasn't enough

Drew Kipe's Big Board
1. Luck
2. RG III
3. Claiborne
4. Kalil
5. Decastro
6. Blackmon
7. Richardson
9. Ingram
9. Cox
10. Kuechly
11. Floyd
12. Upshaw
13. Gilmore
14. Tannehill
15. Perry
16. Barron
17. Wright
18. Coples
19. Mercilus
20. Reiff
21. Hill
22. Randle
23. Fleener
24. Jones
25. Poe
26. Brockers
27. Konz
28. Kirkpatrick
29. Hightower
30. McClellin

Drew Kiper is Back - Mock Draft Style

The long awaited - and last minute - Drew Kipe Jr Mock

1. Colts - Luck
2. Skins - RG III
3. Vikes - Claiborne (2nd Choice: Kalil)
4. Browns - Richardson (2nd Choice: Claiborne)
5. Tampa: Kuechly (2nd Choice: Claiborne/Richardson)
6. Rams: Kalil (2nd Choice: Blackmon)
7. Jags: Blackmon (2nd Choice: Gilmore)
8. Dolphins: Tannehill (2nd Choice:Shoot themselves)
9. Panthers: Floyd (2nd Choice:Cox)
10. Bills: Chandler Jones (2nd Choice:Floyd)
11. Chefs: Decastro (2nd Choice:Barron)
12. Seahawks: Ingram (2nd Choice: Complain about east coast bias and ask the draft be held in Portland, Or next year)
13. Cards: Barron (2nd Choice:Floyd)
14. Cowboys: Cox (2nd Choice:Barron)
15. Eagles: Brockers (2nd Choice:Cox)
16. Jets: Upshaw (2nd Choice:Ingram or John the Baptist)
17. Bungles: Gilmore (2nd Choice:Wright)
18. Chargers: Mercilus (2nd Choice:Upshaw)
19. Bears: Fleener (2nd Choice:Mercilus - and then allow Brian Urlacher make fun of him for his first name being Whitney)
20. Titans: Perry (2nd Choice:Kirkpatrick)
21. Bungles Part II: Coples (2nd Choice:Kirkpatrick)
22. Browns Part II: Wright (2nd Choice:Reiff)
23. Lions: Kirkpatrick (2nd Choice:Reiff)
24. Steelers: Reiff (2nd Choice: Poe)
25. Broncos: Poe (2nd Choice:Brockers)
26. Texans: Hill (2nd Choice:Upshaw)
27. Pats: McClellin (2nd Choice:Brockers)
28. Pack: Konz (2nd Choice:McClellin)
29. Ravens: Glenn (2nd Choice:Konz/Upshaw/Hightower)
30. Niners: Jenkins (2nd Choice:Bruce Irvin)
31. Pats: Hightower (2nd Choice:Still/Worthy)
32. G Men: Martin (2nd Choice:Lawrence Taylor - wait what? what do you mean they can't do that? We have the younger brother of COOPER MANNING DAMNIT, we can do what we want!! NO I DONT MEAN PEYTON!! NO YOU SHUT UP!!)

Players in this mock that are likely over drafted:
Kuechly, Floyd, Jones, Brockers, Fleener

Players in this mock that are drafted later than they will probably go:
Cox, Gilmore, Coples, Reiff

Boldest selections from this mock:
Floyd to CAR
Jones to BUF
Barron to ARZ
Fleener to CHI

Most Likely to Trade:
MN down
PHI Up
NE Up (also down, but i think up is more likely)
SEA down
DAL Up
SF down

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Fake Football Friday - X Men

When you were growing up, did you ever wonder what would happen if your favorite cartoon/tv show/movie characters decided to play football? Who would play what position? Of course you did, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this blog. Well, every Friday we'll answer that question for you.

This week:
What would happen if Professor X decided to put together a football team?

DE - Beast - A very different Beast from last week, but the same results. Again strong enough to set the edge and quick enough to get past the best of tackles. An easy candidate to lead the defense.

DT - Morph - It would really be unfair to have Morph here. Someone who could change into a Gilbert Brown and then immediately change to Warren Sapp. Being able to clog the middle and penetrate when needed would make Morph dominate.

DT - Havok - Probably not the best candidate, but you want your upfront guy to create as much chaos as possible. Who better than a guy named Havok?

DE - John Wraith - A pure pass rusher that can jump behind any lineman would cause any quarterback to panic right away

OLB - Emma Frost - The White Queen would thrive playing a weakside linebacker. Having a telepath would be helpful in reading the offense's plays. In addition, her diamond form would be helpful in attacking the run game.

MLB - Wolverine - The true leader of this defense. Wolverine would be more feared than Ray Lewis and Patrick Willis combined. His animal instincts would take over and able to hunt down any running back. It also helps that he his healing ability would ensure that he never goes on the IR

OLB - Spike - If you're a running back, what's scarier than a guy with 6 claws coming at you?  How about a guy covered in spikes coming at you? Spike would be another enforcer on this scary defense.

FS - Storm - Quick and light-footed, storm would be able to run down and cover the best offensive weapons. An added bonus would be her ability to cover the field in fog making it impossible for quarterbacks to see their receivers.

SS - Nightcrawler - Kurt Wagner was trained by acrobats. His agility would come in handy for covering tight ends and receivers. If necessary, he could also teleport up front to help out in the run game.

CB - Shadowcat - Shadowcat is just fast and agile enough to keep up with most wide receivers. More importantly, she can literally go through any player to fight for the ball. An easy bet to come away with at least 10 INTs

CB - Iceman - Sleek and smooth, Iceman would be able to keep up with the best of receivers. If nothing else, he could always "cool down" the most blazing fast of receivers.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Things We'd Love to See Ocho Cinco Do

NFL players are keeping busy in a variety of ways during the lockout. Some are boxing, some are making movies, but no player is keeping busy the Chad Ochocinco way.

To begin, 85 decided to "play" soccer. Next he "conquered" bull-riding.

Recently, Cincinnati Bengal owner Mike Brown challenged Ochocinco to another unique event: snake wrangling

"Next maybe he'll be a snake wrangler and we'll watch to see if he gets bit" said Brown

Well Chad Ochocinco never backs down from a challenge. He announced he is partnering with a company called 'Snake Jungle' and will follow through with the wrangling.


So if Mike Brown can challenge Chad Ochocinco, why can't we? Hear that Chad? This is an official challenge from '5th Down and Goal to Go'. We want to see you try some (if not all of the following stunts:

1. Wrestle a Bear - snake wrangling is for wimps. We wanna see you throw the smackdown on a grizzly

2. Feed a shark bare handed - We know you can outrun a horse, but can you out swim a shark?

3. Get Lady Gaga pregnant - That would be the most entertain child / person ever, at least since Dennis Rodman

4. Climb the Eiffel Tower - No harness, no nothing. If you have sticky enough hands to catch some of the passes Carson Palmer has thrown your way, then this should be a piece of cake. Speaking of which . . .

5. Bake a cake for Ray Lewis - Bonus points for mentioning his trial

6. Sleep in a real Bengal den (with real Bengals of course) - We all know that before every home game you like to sleep at Paul Brown stadium, now we want to see you sleep in the real thing

7. Become the real life Happy Gilmore - We will allow the one exception that you are allowed to fight Drew Carey instead of Bob Barker

8. Host a game show - If Louie Anderson, Al from Home Improvement, and Carlton Banks, can all host one, why can't you?

9. Call Tom Zbikowski "Rudy" and then get into a boxing ring with him

10. Challenge Charlie Sheen to a drinking contest - Bengal blood vs. Tiger blood. Also, this must be on pay-per-view so I can watch.


Once you complete those, we'll get back at you for some more.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Fake Football Friday - Disney (Part II)

When you were growing up, did you ever wonder what would happen if your favorite cartoon/tv show/movie characters decided to play football? Who would play what position? Of course you did, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this blog. Well, every Friday we'll answer that question for you.

Here is the followup to the widely popular Fake Football Friday Disney article.

On to the offense:

QB - Aladdin (Aladdin) To start, his physical abilities are perfect for a quarterback. He is swift enough to roll-out off the play action and has the arm to make cannon throws. He is smart enough to run the most complex of offenses, but can also improv when needed to. But the most impressive feat is his toughness. He is a street rat that decided to go up against the second most powerful man in Agrabah, then take on a sorcerer, then a freakin genie. He never stands down at any point. Dwight Freeny coming at him? Piece of cake.

RB - Robin Hood (Robin Hood) Swift, light footed, and never seems to go down (even a firing squad of archers don't take him down), all the qualities you want in a running back.

FB - Grumpy (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) At fullback, you basically want your dirtiest player who can get up a move a pile, while occasionally catching a pass out the back field. Oh yeah, and straight up nasty helps too. 

WR - Tigger (Winnie the Pooh) With great agility and unnatural leaping ability, Tigger has the looks of a great speed receiver. Although with his antics may get on some nerves and the fact he is close relative to a bengal, he's one arrest away from being traded to Cincy.

WR - Goofy (Various) Big tall receiver who would be willing to block in the mold of Hines Ward. But, even with his new trophy, pretty sure Goofy is a better dancer though.

TE - Genie (Aladdin) A good tight end can make a quarterback's job much easier, especially in the red zone. Genie would be strong enough to help out in the running game, tall enough to help out in the red zone, and fast enough to spread the field. With his skill set, Aladdin really has never seen a friend like him.

T - Mr. Incredible (The Incredibles) Mr. Incredible has the pure strength to stand up to any bull rush and has the quick feet to move with the best of speed rushers. In reality, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't need another person at all on the line.

G - Pumba (Lion King) Anything that is willing to hunt grubs would be perfect for battling down in the trenches.

C - Quasimodo (Hunchback of Notre Dame) The Hunchback already has perfect leverage for handling big nose tackles and definitely has the strength to move them out of the way. He'd also be the try-hard guy of the team also finishing plays and running down field on every possible running play.

G - Horace (Various) Going old school with the Horace selection here. But who better to serve as a workhorse guard than an actual horse? Horace provides the hard nose attitude needed for a guard while also nimble enough to get out in front when he pulls.

T - Baloo (Jungle Book) Big strong and has a little fight in him. Furthermore, he'd do anything to protect those he's taking care of.

OC - Merlin (Sword in the Stone) Cam Cameron, Mike Martz, Al Saunders. All said to be offensive wizards. Then who better to coordinate our offense than an actual wizard. He always comes up with creative solutions (such as becoming a bacteria to win a battle). In addition, he has experience mentoring young talents. Give him a week to prepare and he would utilize all his weapons to the fullest capacity

GM - Doc (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) Smart and savvy enough to assemble the best of teams. Plus as the top appraiser of jewels, he has built a keen eye for acquiring value which would be put to use in free agency.

Public Relations - Timon (Lion King) No one would be better at promoting a team than him. If nothing else, he could always dress in drag and do the hula.

Owner - Scrooge McDuck (Duck Tales) Deep pockets.

Mascot - Roger Rabbit (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) This crazy monkey lover would do anything for a laugh

Catering - Mrs. Potts / Entire Kitchen (Beauty and the Beast) The best gourmet chef for possible for to keep the box seats happy

Concessions - Mad Hatter / March Hare (Alice in Wonderland) While all the high rollers get the fancy cooking, the regular guys get the chaos of regular concessions. Mad Hatter and the March Hare provide the perfect combination of disarray and tasty treats. Besides think of all the great promotions they'd come up with! Free hot-dog on your Un-Birthday! Pure money maker.

Referee - Cogsworth (Beauty and the Beast) The guy is a freakin' clock. Come on!

Head Coach - The one, the only . . . . .. Mickey Mouse! Iconic as Belichek, likeable as Dungy, and more successful than Noll, Walsh, and Gibbs combined. Mickey has everything necessary to lead this team to victory. Players respect, hard work ethic, the brains for creative schemes, a little magic up his sleeve, his own fan club, and an impeccable win-loss record.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

"When It Comes to Football, God is prejudice - toward big fast kids"

*Very rarely will I ever give updates about college football, but I feel as if this study would correlate to the NFL as well.


And here is the shocking news that published scientists decided to report on:

"College football scouts tend to seek high school football players who are bigger and faster than the rest, according to new research."

Really?

Really?

Pretty sure that's how everyone scouts, unless you work for the Buffalo Bills.

I guess this news also confirms that Jason Alexander will never get a shot to play college ball. On the other hand, Michael Richards might have a pretty good shot (granted his character flaws might push him down the draft a little bit)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Pop Culture Comparisons - Reggie Bush is . . . . .

The May 21st Rapture



The rapture was all over news. Reggie Bush is all over the highlight reel.


The rapture had a lot of hype and build up. Reggie Bush was the number 2 overall pick.


The rapture came and went without anything. Reggie Bush's time in New Orleans is about to come to an end without him ever being a number 1 back.


The rapture was created by following calculations and numerical data. Reggie Bush was defined by his 40 time and number of touchdowns.

The rapture was the face of many billboards and media campaigns across the country. Reggie Bush was the face of NCAA Football '07

There was one mastermind of the rapture. Pete Carroll was the mastermind behind Reggie Bush.


People thought the rapture was legitimate. People thought Reggie legitimately won the Heisman.



Reggie Bush's Pop Culture Comparison is . . . . . .

THE MAY 21st RAPTURE